THE BALLAD OF HELEN AND MARY ANN

for the 6 a.m. gang at Arcaro's

Helen and Mary Ann

two peas in a pod

one of them normal

the other one odd

No one could tell

which one was which

was Mary Ann nice

or was she a bitch

Was Helen the smart one

or was she plain dumb

no one could tell

the one from the one.

C:  Helen and Mary Ann

swore to be friends

‘til the end of forever

and then after the end

Helen and Mary Ann

met the same boy

they thought they would make him

their little toy

Helen and Mary Ann

both gave him some

but it was only with Helen

that he stole a home run

It was late in the night

Helen started to cry

Mary Ann held her close

said please tell me why

She told her the story

how the boy had been rough
how he just wouldn’t stop

when enough was enough.

C:  Helen and Mary Ann

swore to be friends

‘til the end of forever

and then after the end

There wasn’t much sleep

to be had on that night

Mary Ann went out early

fixin’ to fight

He was in the garage

past his limit on beer

Mary Ann stepped right in

and showed him no fear

They shouted and argued

'til no words were left

then the boy took a shot

and gave it his best

Was a bottle he used

almost took out her eye

Mary Ann didn’t back down

she didn’t cry

She hauled off and nailed him

broke his glass jaw

Mary Ann’s uppercut was the last

thing he saw

She turned on her heel

and left that boy yellin’

with blood on her face

she walked back to Helen.

C:  Helen and Mary Ann

swore to be friends

‘til the end of forever

and then after the end

Arms ‘round each other

they held tight and fast

but something told Helen

forever don’t last

C:  Helen and Mary Ann

swore to be friends

‘til the end of forever

and then after the end.